Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Booker Prize in Humour


God: Nkiacha make a wish tonight
Me: Oh God! Please, please can you let NoViolet Bulawayo win the Booker Prize?
God: Hmmm, I’ll see about that. I won’t tell you what I’ll do anyway.
Me: Why?
God: The ways of God are not the ways of man.
Me: She’s not even the media favourite and she’s a debut novelist! There are two others who are favourites.
God: Anything can happen, I can make anybody win. In 1997 I made a debut novelist, Indian writer Arundhati Roy to win the Booker.
Me: Maybe its because she included your name in the title of her book “The God of small things”  even though you’re a God of big things.
God: Hahaha, that’s funny!
Me: Will you let Colm Toibin win because of the novel title “The Testament of Mary”? You know, virgin Mary gave birth to your son, Jesus Christ.
God: Maybe Jim Crace will “Harvest” the Booker
Me: Really?
God: Hey, I was just doing what you are doing!
Me: Hahaha, God, there’s a fake prophet in “We need new names” called Prophet Revelations Bitchington Mborro who’s using your name and tricking people to make money.
God: Hmmm, when I see him I will wallop him on the head like Bastard walloped that little kid on the head in “Hitting Budapest.”
Me: Hahaha.
God: What if Eleanor Catton illuminates the Booker with “The Luminaries”?
Me: Then my heart will be in “The Lowland” Jhumpa Lahiri style.
God: Hahaha. What if I make your NoViolet to win?
Me: Yes, yes, then it would be “A tale for the time being.”
God: So you want Ruth Ozeki to win uh???
Me: No, no, no God, I want my NoViolet to win please, please, please.
God: Whether your NoViolet wins the Booker Prize or not. She’s already a winner with the instant impact she made with her debut novel. She’s a history maker already, the first black African woman to get shortlisted for the prestigious Booker Prize and she’ll come up with better novels in future, you understand?
Me: Aight God, it’s a Booker book indeed, “We Need New Names” in African Literature like NonViolent Bulawayo, sorry God, NoViolet Bulawayo.