Part Two: AMERICAN POLITICS IN HUMOUR (Inspired by the cartoon, “Tom and Jerry”)
NB: Forget Obama is the US president. Take yourself back to June 2008 when you still had doubts whether a black guy could really win a US presidential election in November 2008.
Title: The first Black President of America?
Tom: (Watching TV and celebrating) Praise the lord, he has done it.
Jerry: Who just did what?
Tom: Can’t you see the images, Barack Obama just clinched the Democratic nomination. Praise the lord. Ah, it skipped my mind, you’re even too short, Lilliputian from Gulliver’s Travels’ island of Lilliput.
Jerry: (Jumping up and down) Wait, wait, Tall Tom, isn’t that a black man on the screen? That your Obama, isn’t he black?
Tom: Yes, he’s black, what’s wrong with that?
Jerry: Hahahahahihiheheehe hu huhu, you like dreaming like Joseph in the Bible. No chance.
Tom: But Joseph’s dreams came to pass. They were realistic dreams. Why are you saying no chance?
Jerry: Don’t make me laugh, where in the history books did you ever read about a black slave ruling America in it’s 200 year history hahahahahahik kiuihiiih
Tom: But it can happen! Nelson Mandela became president of South Africa after apartheid ended.
Jerry: That was in black Africa dude, a black man! ruling America! Hahahihihikuikuikuihuhu
Tom: You this mouse, I will chase you, catch you and eat you up.
Jerry: My hole is just over there dude. We can start all over again just like every time.
Tom: Technically, he’s not all black, he has a white mother from Kansas and an Indonesian step father.
Jerry: Forget it, I know him, I was pretending, he has a black Kenyan father, he’s black, no chance. A black man can never govern America, no way, no road. That road is inexistent -from the plantations to the White house? Its too far, too impossible, it’s like taking a rocket aiming to reach heaven. No matter how good your probability in math is. Look at black Jesse Jackson, didn’t he lose the US presidential election?
Tom: But he was third! This guy has even better credentials, Harvard educated, very good policies, didn’t support the war in Iraq, intelligent, young, eloquent, very charismatic, he transcends racial barriers…
Jerry: No, you got it all wrong; too black, too too black wife, too black kids, two black kids, too young, too inexperienced, too Osama like name meaning too looking like a terrorist, too anti American, too anti american pastor Jeremiah Wright, (God damn America!), too moslem, too Allaaaaah Kuba, too Antichrist, too pro Abortionist, too tall, too cute for president, too media darling, too Hollywood like, too fit for action movies, too distant, too Hawai and Indonesian raised, too African, too…
Tom: Stop, stoppp!!!, you talk too much, too short thing, too black ugly thing, too hating a man who has got your colour, too short like an eternal Lilliput, fool. Do you know who he defeated? White Hilary Clinton, the wife of a too loved American president, Bill too Clinton. Even with him on her side, the Bill two Clintons lost the bid. What do you say to that too uh?
Jerry: Frankly, too bad, too too bad.
Tom: For who?
Jerry: Hilary too unlike Bill of course. Damn, she underestimated him too much and didn’t work too hard.
Tom: Maybe she didn’t work too hard because she was depressed Bill had two ‘wives’ like a small African chief and was banging “too hard” on Monica Lewinski instead. hahaha
Jerry: Shut up, too immoral cat, too fool, but….yes, yes, John McCain will beat him.
Tom: (smiles) My turn now. John Mc Cain is too old, too God damn old to be God damn president, that dude is 72 years too old, you too short thing. Obama –young and too energetic, too 46, John McCain supported the failed war in Iraq too much, too supported a useless war, too supported George Bush’s horrible policies, too willing to continue the insane policies of George Bush. Americans will throw him into the bush, the forest.
Jerry: Wow, I just remembered, it’s great McCain is a former Vietnam soldier, that’s the height of American patriotism unlike your un-American, anti American Obama. His Americanism will make him win.
Tom: Another knock out punch on that your point, the past two defeated presidential hopefuls, John Kerry in 2004 and Al Gore in 2000 were former Vietnam soldiers. Americans consider your proposed policies first before patriotism and fighting in Vietnam bullshit. He’s doesn’t have any good policies, supported George Bush in the failed war in Iraq, promised to keep them there if elected president. But Obama never supported that war-he was right. Has promised to pull troops out of Iraq –he’s still right and “Yes, we can” yes, he can deliver the “change we can believe in” he’s willing to bring change –reform the whole American system and talk, dialogue with our enemies instead of spraying bullets on them. Can McCain beat that political message “No, he can’t.” say something Lilliput.
Jerry: Ah, I’m sick and tired of this black guy called Barack Osama…Buck Ofama…Go back to Hawai…Go Barack to Hawai…Obama Bin Lying…change madness…No he can’t, bullshit.
Tom: You see, George Bush plunged America into recession, took America to a useless war in Iraq, handling of domestic policy-horrible, foreign policy –horrible, what’s his presidential rating? Oh yeah, 24%. McCain supported him the whole time and you want to tell me he will win in November and make a good president? Hahahaha
Jerry: Osama will lose the election.
Tom: Console yourself, he’s leading McCain in the polls by five points.
Jerry: He’s going to be another victim of the Bradley effect?
Tom: Bradley what?
Jerry: Bradley effect. There was once a black guy called Tom Bradley who campaigned for a seat in congress. He was eloquent with good policies, people liked him more than his white opponent. He was clearly leading in the polls right up till election day. But when results were released, Bradley lost, probably because he was black. It became known as the Bradley effect. Obama will be another victim.
Tom: I don’t think so. Look, race will not be an issue in this election. In the wake of the 20th century, Dr W.E.B Dubois said the problem of that century would be one of the colour line referring to racism and it was true. In the wake of the 21st century, Kenyan Professor Ali Mazrui said the problem of our century will be that of the culture line. America’s enemies are fast becoming people with a different culture not race. Look at it objectively, an Arab can rise high in the US provided he is Christian. Proof –A Christian Arab emerged third in the 2000 presidential elections; Ralph Nader. If Nader was a moslem -forget it. Obama’s enemies have used his father’s moslem faith to glue that to him to make him look like someone with a different culture, people are using his Hawai/Indonesia upbringing, anti American and anti Christ tags to make him look anti Americulturised. They seldom use his race. Obama fights all those culture stereotypes far more than the race stereotype. He even embraces his race well as he plainly said in one interview “I am too black.” He considers himself a black man not even a biracial man. He’s an intelligent man who knows that the race thing is just neglible now. But if you fumble with culture, dare embrace the moslem faith –you’re dead. So do you now see that the Bradley effect will be an old concept to this election?
Jerry: Whatever, Buck Ofama
Tom: Hahahaha I have beaten you, concede defeat eternal Lilliput
Jerry: Go Barack to Hawai
FIVE MONTHS LATER. Tom is watching the November elections. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer announces, “Breaking news from CNN, Barack Obama has just been elected the president of the United States…..”
Tom: (skips from chair and is running around happily) Hahahahaha Eternal Lilliput, where is this eternal Lilliput, oh he’s disappeared into his mouse hole. I told you, I told you, he will win it, first black president of the US, it has happened, he won clearly, it was not even a close race, yes, from the plantations to the white house, a historic moment, Martin Luther king is smiling from the grave, his dream has come true, like that of Joseph, come out of that hole, Lilliputttttttttt.
Jerry: Go away, my eyes were not meant to see devils like you. Go away, Obama rigged the election.
Tom: Hahahaha, do you think the United states is Cameroon or Nigeria or Kenya where elections were rigged. When will you ever concede defeat? Uh?
Jerry: That your Obama is a lucky boy, if he had contested for this election in Kenya, he would have been arrested, whipped on his buttocks, locked up just like Raila Odinga won the 2007 elections in Kenya but instead of becoming president became the punching bag of the Kenyan ‘president’ Moi Kibaki and later convinced to become Kibaki’s prime minister for post election violence to end. He’s a lucky boy, a black Kenyan ruling the strongest and richest nation in the world. Incredible. He could not have won in his poor ancestral nation.
Tom: Yes he is, yes he won, yes he can, yes we can.
The end. But there will still be posts about our debative cat and mouse on other topics too. Please don’t ask me why I am writing this now. In 2008 I didn’t even know the meaning of the word blog and I didn’t have access to a computer.
NB: I’m not dissing anybody, this is all jokes folks, all fabrications with the intention of rekindling interest in that historic election. A majority of all what is said here is false. I’m out, Nkiacha Atemnkeng.