AMERICAN POLITICS IN HUMOUR (Inspired by the cartoon, “Tom and Jerry”)
Title: Dear Obama.
Tom: (Writing) Dear Obama, how are you? And how is Michelle and the…
Jerry: Useless, useless, he will never read it
Tom: You this mouse, I will chase you, catch you and eat you up. I just have ten minutes to write this, leave me alone.
Jerry: Hahahahahihiheheehe hu huhu, my hole is just over there dude. We can start all over again just like every time.
Tom: (Writing) Dear Obama, how are you?...
Jerry: On a serious note Tom, how is this your so called, “Letter to Obama” going to reach him?
Tom: Mail -Barack Obama, Oval Office, The White House, Washington D.C. hahaha, I got it, no need for a post number.
Jerry: Secret service are going to think it’s a letter bomb and will discard it.
Tom: (scratches head) Damn! I forgot that.
Jerry: You see, useless, useless like I said.
Tom: Whoa! Great idea –email (runs to laptop and starts typing) Dear Obama, how…
Jerry: Email address?
Tom: (scratches head and screams) God, God, why did you create this nuisance, this menace, this numbskull, this eternal Lilliput called Jerry?????
Jerry: cos he loves me just like he loves you just like you love Obama but u’re going to love the fact that, your letter will never reach him cos the secret service will not love the idea and even if u get his email right, the presidential email system will love to identify ur useless email as spam and will love discarding it.
Tom: You’ve just mentioned the word “love” seven times in a very long sentence yet you hate me.
Jerry: Not exactly. But I love the fact that he will no longer be president of the US come November. He is going to be beaten by super dupa Mitt Romneyyyyyy!
Tom: May fireballs from heaven burn all the black hater fur on ur skin. I saw all the hater bills on ur wall when he was campaigning in 2008. “Barack Osama…Buck Ofama…Go ba’ra’ck to Hawai…Obama Bin Lying” How can a very black mouse like you hate on the first black American president like that?
Jerry: Your head can’t even make it pass my mouse hole yet you claim to have seen bills on my room wall! Hahaha who’s the lying tramp here –Tom bin lying!
Tom: (scratches head) Whatever dude. Barack Obama is...
Jerry: Add Hussein, there’s a Hussein in there somewhere. He’s the first cousin to Saddam Hussein.
Tom: Lie! Whatever, Barack Hussein Obama is like the French team at the 1998 World Cup. Everybody hated them, called them the black team of a white country, the united nations of Africa yet they kept grinding out victories. When they reached the final, everybody was like “Brasil! The masters of football! Ronaldo! France is dead, their luck’s run out, Brasil-6, France-0. What happened? France-3, Brasil-0 and they won the world cup. That’s how Obama is, the more you hate on him, the more he gets stronger, comes up with even the most eloquent speeches that pulls voters more and more to vote for him. He defeated white John McCain, he’s still going to beat white Romney.
Jerry: That world cup was played in France, it is alleged the French cooks drugged the food of the Brasilian players on the day of the final, that’s why they won.
Tom: Lies. Jealous people always come up with strange theories to explain the toil of others’ success. It is good you said “alleged.” Was it ever proven? No. any team can be beaten. Proof –France beat Brasil again on neutral soil –in Germany at the 2006 world cup. The French connived with the German cooks to drug the Brasilians’ food again uh! You eternal Lilliput.
Jerry: It’s good you said even the best team can be beaten. The Obama team will be thrashed by Romney; it’s the Mormon moment!
Tom: No Mormon president for you dude, I consider Mormonism another kind of occultism, they are a sect.
Jerry: It is your Obama who is the antichrist!
Tom: Shut your mouth, you are surely going insane by progressive degrees.
Jerry: Yes, he is. The guy backed abortion long ago. You know what that means –he supports the termination of life-MURDER. Plus, he kills innocent people every day in Afghanistan. And, he recently backed gay marriage, the first US president to do that. It is clearly stated in the Holy Bible. God created man and woman for procreation. It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve! Anti Christ! Romney, Romney, Romney and the running mate Paul Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…
Tom: That Ryan will make him lose the election, the choice would be detrimental to his campaign just like Sarah Palin ended up a liability to the McCain campaign.
Jerry: Lies, Ryan is the perfect man.
Tom: Mr. Money, Romney is a dummy. He’s too small a being for Obama to compete against. His personality is nowhere near the president’s.
Jerry: If he’s a dummy then Obama is a failure.
Tom: Obama will not run against Romney in November, in fact, he won’t run against somebody, he will run against something.
Jerry: What do you mean by that? You this dull cat.
Tom: In November, Obama will run against unemployment, Obama will run against the economy. When voters go to the polls, they will be looking at the unemployment figures. They will be looking at the American economic situation before voting. And when those many dudes who are out of work vote, they may vote for Romney because they are angry with Obama, when others who are working vote, they may vote for Romney because they angry about the economic situation. They will be tempted to think, Romney may change their job situation or their economy. Romney’s policies will not convince them to vote for him but their anger against Obama.
Jerry: And Romney will win the election. Hahaha.
Tom: No, there are many others who will vote for Obama again into the presidency because they will acknowledge the good job he has done and is still doing.
Jerry: What good job? America is still facing a serious economic crisis! Chronic unemployment! America’s debt under the Obama presidency is more than that of any other former US president! Is that what you call good job Tom?
Tom: Look, Obama took power when America was in a deep recession triggered by the insipid policies of that failed 24% rated buffoon called George Bush but he took the country out of it. One year of hard work cannot bring economic prosperity, not even a presidential term. It requires at least a decade. Besides, it is not only America which is in crisis but the whole world. Europe is worst hit, it is a global crisis and as it deepens, America too suffers. When the stock market shares plunge in Europe, they also plunge on Wall street. Secondly, you know that his handling of foreign policy has been good, cleaning up your George Bush’s presidential mess in Iraq for the whole of his first term, like a suction pipe sucks out excrement from a toilet. The man is trying, so leave him alone.
Jerry: Obama has done nothing for his father’s homeland of Kenya and all of Africa, absolutely nothing. He’s never visited Kenya as president. In his four years as president, he’s only been to Ghana! But look at George Bush, he declared a war on AIDS in Africa, made sure antiretroviral drugs reached even the rural areas, free HIV testing programs, free condoms, free everything when it came to AIDS such that infection rates fell. But Obama –none of that, not even visits!
Tom: He did all that to save his image a little bit after taking a look at the performance gauge wc was surely at 15%. After his “war on terror” failed woefully and he didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and the hurricane Katrina government neglect fiasco, he launched into a “war on AIDS,” in Africa. That made his rating go up to 24%. Obama is not the president of Africa but of the United states. He cannot leave his shaky economy shattered by Bush to concentrate on lifting up Africa’s. Nevertheless, he still makes sure Africa benefits from US aid and investment just like other US presidents did.
Jerry: The Obama healthcare law thing was a fiasco! Romney is willing to scrape it off, horrible healthcare plan.
Tom: The law obviously had flaws but it wasn’t a fiasco, it will be good in the long term for all of America.
Jerry: What long term are you talking about when he is leaving in November? And his successor Romney will throw it in the bin?
Tom: Obama will win. It’s good you just mentioned the word “bin.” it reminds me of Bin Laden. Why don’t you mention the fact that Obama Killed him? Remarkable success in the war against terror! He did that in just 2years, meanwhile ur Bush man couldn’t do it throughout his whole double term! Shame.
Jerry: He did that because they are brothers, from name to religion–the moslem Obama has killed his moslem brother Osama. Ur man knew where the other was from intuition, because they think alike.
Tom: Stop spreading blatant lies, eternal Lilliput.
Jerry: Wait a minute, I have a theory- the government hates hip hop.
Jerry: The 2Pac and Notorious B.I.G killers who are both still in the US have never been identified and arrested despite the fact that, there is even a facial drawing of the person who killed Biggy. But the US government was able to go to Afghanistan search for a terrorist from cave to cave, learnt he was in Pakistan, went there, fished him out and blew off his head with bullets. The government hates hip hop.
Tom: Whatever dude, I have to continue my letter.
Jerry: Useless, you had ten minutes to write that, I’ve been pestering you for 9mins 50 seconds. Your mistress will soon send u away.
Tom: (scratches head) Argggh!!!
Woman: Tom, get away from my chair, you this naughty cat.
(Tom jumps towards Jerry and starts chasing him around)
Tom: Ouch! (murmuring) Dear Obama, I wanted to write to you but this eternal Lilliput just made sure I didn’t. I tried to chase him but bumped my head against the wall around his mouse door and it hurts, it hurts, I’ve always wanted to eat him up but I’ve not even caught him yet. One day I will, yes I can, dear Obama
Jerry: hahahahahahuhuhu. No, you can’t.
The end: Watch out for the sequel to this write up which will be set in 2008 about the rise of Obama and rivalry against John McCain –Its good I commemorate that historic election too.
NB: I’m not dissing anybody in this my first blog, this is all jokes folks, all fabrications with the intention of rousing interest in the US election. A majority of all what is said here is false. I’m out, Nkiacha Atemnkeng.